My first flare up of Psoriasis came when I was 11 years old. One day I woke up and was covered in red, flaky patches. The only body parts free of this were my face, hands and feet. This was scary and when the doctor saw it and said that he had never seen anything like it, my heart sank. I was referred to a dermatologist and they confirmed that it was Guttate Psoriasis. This particular type is usually caused by a throat infection which I had recently caught.
I was given creams which I had to apply constantly throughout the day. As I was still in school, the big issue that arose was other children. My teacher at the time was amazing and gave the class a talk on Psoriasis and emphasised the point that it was not a contagious disease. After that, I didn't get much grief from the other children. It was summer though and I spent most of it completely covered up, not wanting anyone to know the extent of the condition.
But, I was still embarrassed and felt disgusting all the time. I cannot imagine anyone would enjoy being covered in red blotches of flaky skin. I think this was probably what triggered my intensely low self esteem.
My next flare up was not until I was 18 and had just got to university. Another throat infection and another couple of months of misery. It was pretty easy to explain to the people I was in halls with, we were adults after all. However, there were still some horrified looks. Psoriasis can appear in small patches or cover up to 80% of the body. When mine flares up, it's probably towards the higher end of that.
As lame as it may sound, it has actually really helped me to see celebrities talking about their experiences with Psoriasis in the media. I now feel like the next time I am covered in scales, I can walk around safely in the knowledge that there are supermodels who have had to deal with it. If they can walk down the runway (albeit covered with make up) then I can walk down the street without being embarrassed.
Yes, Psoriasis is not pretty. It is uncomfortable and difficult to treat. I just urge you, if you ever see anyone with some sort of skin rash, please do not stare or comment on it or look at the person in disgust. We know that it is there, we cannot make it disappear. It is part of our lives.
Monday 24 August 2015
Sunday 23 August 2015
Society only values the productive
This is all very incoherent. I am feeling very disillusioned with everything right now.
I am finding it hard to even believe that people exist who have never been suicidal or self harmed etc. I literally cannot get my head around what it would feel like to be able to get up and do things every day and socialise and function in the world. I do not know what it is like to be well. Every single day is an exhausting struggle. To be free of mental illness is to have a real opportunity to do everything you can dream of, to be everything you want to be. Now, I'm not saying that being mentally ill stops you from achieving. But, it undeniably takes a lot more effort.
A mentally well person can wake up in the morning, get dressed and go to work without a second thought. For me, it takes a lot of preparation. The night before I have to write a to do list for things before work including showering and eating. If I don't write everything down, I will forget to do these things that seem perfectly natural to a lot of people.
This has become a constant frustration for me. How can it be that some people find it so easy to socialise and exist in this society? Then there's the rest of us who need therapy, meditation, medication, mindfulness practice and whatever else to be able to function. When people talk about mental illness in a negative way, I do not think they really understand the sheer effort it takes for some mentally ill people to keep living.
I've had people tell me I'm lazy because I lie around for a day doing nothing. Why do I do this? Because I literally cannot do anything else! The society we live in is not built for the mentally ill or disabled. Human worth is based on how productive we can be, how much money we can, how busy we can stay. When very unwell, I cannot earn money or be busy because all I can do is stop myself from dying. In those periods, society sees me as worthless. Capitalism views anyone in this position as worthless.
I have to work on functioning in society every single day. I have to do this for survival. While it may be easy for you to exist in this society and constantly productive, others cannot. This does not make them lazy or worthless, they are just unwell.
Something else that has been bothering me is this constant need to be doing stuff. People go to work, socialise, take care of children, volunteer etc. There are so many people I know who are constantly in action because they feel like they have to be productive all the time. This puts pressure on everyone that is unnecessary. Taking a break does not make you weak, doing nothing does not make you lazy. You do not need to be busy all the time. It seems to me that this persistent desire to be doing is actually detrimental to mental well being. While it might seem good and useful to be doing things all the time, we need to stop for our own health. Nobody can be in action mode all the time without eventually burning out.
Seeing others being productive and on the go all the time makes me feel so much pressure. I feel like if I stop and rest then I am failing, I am lazy. But, I cannot keep going and when I do push myself to keep going, I become very unwell. We need to stop seeing human worth in terms of productivity. Everyone has intrinsic value regardless of how many hours they work or how much money they earn.
I am finding it hard to even believe that people exist who have never been suicidal or self harmed etc. I literally cannot get my head around what it would feel like to be able to get up and do things every day and socialise and function in the world. I do not know what it is like to be well. Every single day is an exhausting struggle. To be free of mental illness is to have a real opportunity to do everything you can dream of, to be everything you want to be. Now, I'm not saying that being mentally ill stops you from achieving. But, it undeniably takes a lot more effort.
A mentally well person can wake up in the morning, get dressed and go to work without a second thought. For me, it takes a lot of preparation. The night before I have to write a to do list for things before work including showering and eating. If I don't write everything down, I will forget to do these things that seem perfectly natural to a lot of people.
This has become a constant frustration for me. How can it be that some people find it so easy to socialise and exist in this society? Then there's the rest of us who need therapy, meditation, medication, mindfulness practice and whatever else to be able to function. When people talk about mental illness in a negative way, I do not think they really understand the sheer effort it takes for some mentally ill people to keep living.
I've had people tell me I'm lazy because I lie around for a day doing nothing. Why do I do this? Because I literally cannot do anything else! The society we live in is not built for the mentally ill or disabled. Human worth is based on how productive we can be, how much money we can, how busy we can stay. When very unwell, I cannot earn money or be busy because all I can do is stop myself from dying. In those periods, society sees me as worthless. Capitalism views anyone in this position as worthless.
I have to work on functioning in society every single day. I have to do this for survival. While it may be easy for you to exist in this society and constantly productive, others cannot. This does not make them lazy or worthless, they are just unwell.
Something else that has been bothering me is this constant need to be doing stuff. People go to work, socialise, take care of children, volunteer etc. There are so many people I know who are constantly in action because they feel like they have to be productive all the time. This puts pressure on everyone that is unnecessary. Taking a break does not make you weak, doing nothing does not make you lazy. You do not need to be busy all the time. It seems to me that this persistent desire to be doing is actually detrimental to mental well being. While it might seem good and useful to be doing things all the time, we need to stop for our own health. Nobody can be in action mode all the time without eventually burning out.
Seeing others being productive and on the go all the time makes me feel so much pressure. I feel like if I stop and rest then I am failing, I am lazy. But, I cannot keep going and when I do push myself to keep going, I become very unwell. We need to stop seeing human worth in terms of productivity. Everyone has intrinsic value regardless of how many hours they work or how much money they earn.
Friday 7 August 2015
Revolution - Russell Brand (review)
I finally got round to reading Russell Brand's 'Revolution' recently. I had heard mixed reviews and had my doubts because of this. A lot of people were sceptical about Brand's seemingly sudden interest in politics and the associated activism. I completely understand where this comes from but ultimately, Brand's messages about politics are well thought out and interesting.
The book looks at our current political system, its flaws and the possibility of revolution. I have been full of anger against the current political system for a long time. But, I have also been left feeling like nothing will ever change. Reading this gave me a little bit of hope for the future. Brand acknowledges the difficulties, the chaos that may come from a revolution. However, it appears that it would all be worth it in the long run.
Primarily, 'Revolution' looks at possible alternatives for the current systems in place. As Brand repeats, the system wants everyone to think that there are no alternatives that could possibly work. This benefits them, they stay in power and remain stupidly wealthy. Brand highlights several alternatives in a fair amount of detail. For example, there are millions of people living in poverty whilst there are people with excess resources. In a fair society, we would not leave people in poverty knowing that the rescources were available for them. If we were to put more limits on big businesses then the rich/poor divide would stop expanding so quickly. Brand also discusses the importance of making food and farming more localised again. It would be perfectly possible for the world to be fed if this were the case, the food industry as it stands is unecessary.
At times, his writing is extremely verbose and therefore, difficult to understand. Thankfully though, Brand does take time to explain some things in more simple terms. I like this in books about politics. One of the reasons so many people avoid politics talk is because they feel like they do not understand enough, it feels beyond them. Unlike many political commentaries, 'Revolution' feels more accessible to the everyday person. You do not need to be incredibly well read to understand the basics that Brand is talking about.
There is a lot of focus on the wealthy. Brand discusses the clear ridiculousness of all these billion and millionaires existing when there are so many people living in poverty. It is obviously unfair. Brand explains that "the richest 1 per cent of British people have as much as the poorest 55 per cent." Knowing facts like this makes me incredibly angry and it should make you angry too. All of this also gives a very good reason for those in power to keep things as they are. They get to stay rich and powerful so fuck the rest of us. You might be thinking that Brand cannot comment when it comes to money because of his status, he acknowledges this. He is one of few rich people who would be willing to give up some of his obscene amount of money if it led to a more equal society. Brand recognises his privileged position.
For me, there was a bit too much rambling about spirituality but I can see where Brand is coming from with his writing on this. It also really made me want to try meditation! Brand also relates a lot of issues to his drug addiction. On the surface, this might seem to be a load of drivel but it is actually really interesting and makes a lot of sense. He explains that his recovery would not have been possible without other compassionate people around helping and encouraging him to keep going. We need this in society, compassion and community.
Essentially, Russell Brand might seem like a bit of a twat but he knows what he is talking about. He is clearly well read on the subject and unlike many academics, he makes his writings accessible to people outside of the Oxford educated. If you have any interest in politics and more importantly, changing the current system, I would recommend reading this. If anything, it has a lot of information from other economists, sociologists and such which can lead to further reading.
The book looks at our current political system, its flaws and the possibility of revolution. I have been full of anger against the current political system for a long time. But, I have also been left feeling like nothing will ever change. Reading this gave me a little bit of hope for the future. Brand acknowledges the difficulties, the chaos that may come from a revolution. However, it appears that it would all be worth it in the long run.
"Do we ditch capitalism or the planet? We can't have both."
Primarily, 'Revolution' looks at possible alternatives for the current systems in place. As Brand repeats, the system wants everyone to think that there are no alternatives that could possibly work. This benefits them, they stay in power and remain stupidly wealthy. Brand highlights several alternatives in a fair amount of detail. For example, there are millions of people living in poverty whilst there are people with excess resources. In a fair society, we would not leave people in poverty knowing that the rescources were available for them. If we were to put more limits on big businesses then the rich/poor divide would stop expanding so quickly. Brand also discusses the importance of making food and farming more localised again. It would be perfectly possible for the world to be fed if this were the case, the food industry as it stands is unecessary.
At times, his writing is extremely verbose and therefore, difficult to understand. Thankfully though, Brand does take time to explain some things in more simple terms. I like this in books about politics. One of the reasons so many people avoid politics talk is because they feel like they do not understand enough, it feels beyond them. Unlike many political commentaries, 'Revolution' feels more accessible to the everyday person. You do not need to be incredibly well read to understand the basics that Brand is talking about.
There is a lot of focus on the wealthy. Brand discusses the clear ridiculousness of all these billion and millionaires existing when there are so many people living in poverty. It is obviously unfair. Brand explains that "the richest 1 per cent of British people have as much as the poorest 55 per cent." Knowing facts like this makes me incredibly angry and it should make you angry too. All of this also gives a very good reason for those in power to keep things as they are. They get to stay rich and powerful so fuck the rest of us. You might be thinking that Brand cannot comment when it comes to money because of his status, he acknowledges this. He is one of few rich people who would be willing to give up some of his obscene amount of money if it led to a more equal society. Brand recognises his privileged position.
For me, there was a bit too much rambling about spirituality but I can see where Brand is coming from with his writing on this. It also really made me want to try meditation! Brand also relates a lot of issues to his drug addiction. On the surface, this might seem to be a load of drivel but it is actually really interesting and makes a lot of sense. He explains that his recovery would not have been possible without other compassionate people around helping and encouraging him to keep going. We need this in society, compassion and community.
"government, transnational corporations and the media cooperate to advance and maintain an agenda that is detrimental to the majority of us and the planet."
Essentially, Russell Brand might seem like a bit of a twat but he knows what he is talking about. He is clearly well read on the subject and unlike many academics, he makes his writings accessible to people outside of the Oxford educated. If you have any interest in politics and more importantly, changing the current system, I would recommend reading this. If anything, it has a lot of information from other economists, sociologists and such which can lead to further reading.
"The system that exploits us cannot function without us - without our labour, without our compliance, without our consent."
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