Why your 'jokes' can be dangerous...

TRIGGERS FOR MENTION OF RAPE

We've probably all heard the 'jokes' about rape or the use of the word rape in a joking context. I think it's fair to say that everyone knows they can be offensive. But, they can also be pretty dangerous even though it's often passed off as 'harmless.'

Picture this. You're out with a group of friends. Laughing and chatting, having a good time.  Someone makes a joke about rape. There's some laughter and the conversation continues. Think about who might have heard this. You might now know it but one of those people could have been a victim of rape. It's not unimaginable, rape victims often won't tell anyone through shame. In the UK, 85 000 women are reported to have been rape every year. How do you think they feel about that joke? About that laughing? Probably scared and uncomfortable. It could trigger horrible memories of that incident for them.

It's not so funny now, is it?

On top of this, another listener could very well be a potential rapist. Do you know what this joke and the response to it says to them? That rape is okay. That the idea of it is something to be laughed at. They might even think that those laughing about it condone rape. Those jokes normalise a very serious issue. I know you're thinking that you do not know any potential rapists but you can never be 100% certain! Is it really worth the risk?

Telling rape 'jokes' and laughing at them makes a serious and difficult issue appear trivial and funny. That's not okay. It's the same with other 'jokes' about serious issues, they should not be trivialised in this way when they impact so negatively on so many lives.

Rape jokes are dangerous. Next time a friend makes a joke about rape, do not laugh. They are not funny. Do you really want a potential rapist thinking that rape is acceptable? Do you really want to bring up painful memories for a victim? Any decent human being would say no so be decent and tell people to stop this.

Orange Is The New Black - Season 2

*SPOILERS*

Netflix began streaming season 2 of their hit show 'Orange Is The New Black' earlier this month and I got round to marathon watching it this weekend! It was brilliant. If you haven't seen season 1 then where have you been? Watch it now! If you have seen it but need a recap before season 2 then I suggest watching this. It will remind you of key events and is pretty funny:

So OITNB is set in a women's prison in the US. The season 1 finale saw a fight break out between main character Piper Chapman and crazy God loving Doggett. Season 2 opens with an episode that sees things change dramatically for Piper as Alex is let free and she continues her sentence. So what's going to keep you interested in this season?

Well, the main story of Piper continues. It's been a bumpy road for her. I much prefer her character in this season, she's learnt a lot from fellow inmates and is much stronger. Things with Larry (her ex fiance) get much more complicated but she handles herself well.

One of the main issues in this season actually comes from the administration of the prison rather than the inmates. It seems that Figuero has been naughty in trying to support her husband's political campaign. This leads to conditions in the prisoning worsening, a hunger strike to fight back against them and a season finale that you cannot miss!

Remember creepy porn 'tache prison guard Mendes? He's back. But, only briefly as everyone finds out that Diaz is pregnant (with Bennett's baby) and Mendes is accused of being the father. He confesses her love for her in front of everyone leaving Diaz feeling very guilty... it's important to note that both Mendes and Bennett deserve to be punished. I'm sure everyone will be happy to see porn 'tache go after what he did to Trish in season 1!

Now, we all saw Red lose the respect of her friends in the first season. She's trying to get it back when along comes Vee who happens to be very close to another inmate. Vee manipulates the girls, brings drugs back into the prison and does a lot of horrible shit! You get to see her story in flashbacks and it all comes to a head in the season finale.

My favourite character this season? Rosa, a cancer patient with not much time left. She's in the background a fair bit but we get to find out about her story and she really is fantastic.

Other reasons to watch season 2 -

• We finally get to see Morello's darling Christopher
• There's a lot more about the guards in here - we get some insight into the lives of Caputo and Healy
• There is a bunch of character development
• And like season 1, it deals with transgender and sexuality issues really well.

So what are you waiting for? Go and watch it now! The show is great, the character's are great, the acting, the stories, the theme tune - this is something you will not want to miss!

Book review - The Kite Runner

Whilst at university, I never really got the opportunity to pick up a book and read for pleasure. This was my favourite thing to do before uni so now it's over, I get the chance and time to again which is great! The first book I've read is 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Hosseini. I had heard great things about it so thought I'd give it a go. It was published in 2003 to critical acclaim.

Set in the 1970s in Afghanistan, it tells the story of two young boys - Amir and Hassan. Amir's father is rich and Hassan's is his servant. Both children lost their mothers at a very young age and have been like brothers since. All of this changes on the day of the kite fighting tournament when one of the boys betrays the other. Amir included, many Afghans are forced to flee to America following the Russian invasion.

I absolutely loved this book! The story is really gripping and wonderfully written. It gives a really interesting look at the history of Afghanistan, something that I knew very little of before picking the book up. Hosseini tells tales of growing up so wonderfully.

Ultimately, this is a story about betrayal and redemption, about friends and family and loyalty. The writing is powerful and engaging, one of those fantastic books you look for that you cannot put down. I am really glad that I chose this to be my first reading for pleasure book after university, it has definitely reignited my passion for fiction.

Why all the girl hate?

I hear it all the time:

All girls are so bitchy. I hate hanging out with other women. It's so much easier to get along with men. Other women never talk about sex, they're boring.

And the worst thing is. It's mostly from other women. Not only are these horribly untrue generalisations but they're damaging to feminism's quest for equality. If we keep insulting our own gender then men will keep thinking it's okay for them to do the same and it's not. These sort of statements just highlight a bunch of stereotypes which are not the case.

Women seem to feel that we are all in some competition with each other. To be the thinnest, prettiest, best at their job. There seems to be this constant desire to be better than other women. Why? Why are we all in competition with each other? It's not necessary. If we're competing with each other, it takes away from competing with men. Why can we not be on the same base as men? If we want equality then we need to start seeing everyone as people rather than focusing on competition with only our own gender. This also works the other way. Men will never think there's a chance of women being better than them.

Let's all compare women to women and not men then women can never be better than men. Or even equal to them.

On top of this, there seems to be this ongoing idea that other women will get in your way of finding your perfect man. No. Stop. The jealousy and the fear needs to stop. We need to be united as a sisterhood in order to fight for the equality we want. It does not need to be a fight among women but a fight for women.

Women have it bad all over the world. Men rule everything still despite the ongoing feminist battle. So next time you think about judging another women, think again because we get judged enough by society and a lot of men already.

Let's love each other and embrace the power that women can have if we work together!

She's so OCD!

You often hear it said without a second thought - "oh she's so OCD about things..." What this usually means is that this person is organised or likes things clean. People seem to forget sometimes that OCD is a mental health condition that many people really suffer from.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is usually associated with actions such as turning light switches on and off x number of times or constant hand washing. These can be manifestations of it but there are others too. The obsession part of OCD usually means the sufferer experiences unwelcome thoughts that they struggle to get out of their head. For example, I used to get sudden fears that my house would be broken into or my family would all drop dead. You can probably already see how distressing this can be for someone!

The compulsions side of OCD is what many people know it for - the compulsion to have to perform certain actions in certain orders, often repeating them. One could constantly check the doors are locked through fear of a break in. Repeating these actions can make the sufferer feel more calm: 'If I do x then y will not happen and everything will be okay.'

Mind offers a useful diagram to illustrate OCD:

So if this is a horrible thing to experience then what can you do to stop it? Well as a child I was afraid of dirt, I washed my hands mutliple times a day and was the only child to wear an apron in art through fear of getting dirty! As I got older, the unwanted thoughts got more distressing and when I was 15 I finally addressed this in counselling. I went through a very brief course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and although it was brief, I took the tools from it to combat my OCD.

CBT looks at the connections between thoughts, feelings and behaviours which is very applicable to OCD treatment. The key for me was writing down all of my worries and fears. For example, if I do not check that door is locked 6 times then my family will be hurt. Seeing this written down helped me to realise that this was pretty irrational. I would then address these worries and notice that they could be avoided without following compulsive behaviours. I practiced this for a long time and it eventually began to stick. Now my head does it pretty much automatically. So if CBT is available for you then go for it! It can be really useful.

Further to this, OCD is often linked to anxiety. This means that techniques to help anxiety can also help OCD. Deep breathing and practicing relaxation techniques is important. Be open about it, OCD is out of your immediate control. It is a medical condition which you should not be ashamed of. Medication is also an option to ease some of the symptoms so talk to your doctor about it.

So yes, OCD is a real medical condition that is really awful to deal with. Next time one of your friends is cleaning lots or being super organised, think twice about referring to them as OCD. It is not useful for people who are really dealing with it. This might make people see OCD as trivial and not serious which of course it is. It is not a term to be thrown around without thinking about it. Rather, it is an illness which can have a serious impact on people's lives.

Starting university soon? Here's some advice!

Thousands of new, bright eyed students will be joining universities across the country this Autumn. As a graduate, I thought I would offer some advice!

1. Join societies!

All universities have lots of great societies and it's a really good idea to join some in your first year. There is something for everyone: Quidditch, all types of dance, feminist groups, religious societies, cheerleading, music, creative writing, real ale. Plus, if there's a society missing then it's usually pretty straight forward to set one up. It usually requires around 50 signatures of interested people and then you've got a society of your choice. Some societies have sign up fees but it's well worth it. Societies are a great way to meet new people and make friends even if you only go to a few meetings and socials.

2. Make friends on your course.

It's usually fairly easy to make friends with people in halls but chances are that you'll be in shared houses in 2nd/3rd year. This means any friends in halls usually drift apart. So making friends on your course is really important. You've already got your subject in common and that's a great start for conversation. Introduce yourself to people in lectures, don't sit on your own and shy away. You'll see these people around for the next 3 or 4 years so be sociable!

3. Work hard.

Of course the social side of university is great fun and really good but you are there to learn so work hard. Most universities have it so that your grades in first year do not count towards your final result. However, it is important to get into the library and open some books. It will give you a head start for following years, if you have a good work ethic then it will be easier to transition into your 2nd year which is often more difficult. Get the balance right - go out but also go to lectures and enjoy all the great resources at your disposal.

4. Use the services.

If you have mental health difficulties, visit the university counselling service who will be willing to help. Even if your issues seem small compared to others, the counselling service will have helped people with all sorts of problems so don't be afraid. Get to know your personal tutor, go to meetings with them and ask for help if you need it. They will most likely be writing your reference when you leave so it's important to establish a good relationship with them. Financial troubles are common but there will be people to help so seek them out to ease your worries.

5. Don't drink? Don't worry!

A lot of people think that all students are heavy drinkers and out every night. While this is true of some, it's not the case with all. There will be plenty of things you can take part in without having alcohol involved. Write for the university newspaper, hang out at coffee places, there's plenty to do without alcohol and plenty of people to join you.

6. Have fun.

This is a time in your life when opportunities are endless. Take placements, volunteer, make friends, read all the books you can, work hard. Most importantly, have fun and enjoy this time. It will be your last chance to enjoy life before jobs and taxes and boring adult things take over.

I had a lot of tough times at university. My mental health was all over the place and there are definitely things I would have done differently. But it was also an amazing 3 years and I hope that everyone enjoys university as much as they can.

Fitspo: is it really healthy?

Fitspo is a term used to describe fitness inspiration, throughout the internet it has gradually replaced thinspo. Thinspo or thinspiration is essentially using pictures of very skinny, sometimes emaciated people (usually women) in order to motivate others to get thin. Its links are with the dark world of pro anorexia websites. When people became aware of it, many of them were rightly disgusted and found it very disturbing. Then along came fitspo, an attempt to use quotes and images to inspire people to eat healthily and work out.

Widely found on websites such as tumblr, pinterest and instagram, the people who follow this see it as a healthy alternative to thinspo. But, I am not sure it's as healthy as all these people seem to think. One quick tumblr search and it shows a bunch of pictures of women deemed 'healthy' yet I notice that they're all relatively skinny and like with thinspo, a lot seem photoshopped! Many of these women seem obsessed with their 'healthy' diets and workout regimes. Surely this obsession is not healthy...

As I go through pages dedicated to fitspo, I notice that many insist that it's okay to eat some cake or a piece of chocolate occasionally. This leads me to think that they really are trying to do this the healthy way. But the fact that they are encouraging people to eat what they deem healthy 90% of the time and workout almost every day does not sit right with me.

What makes me more uncomfortable is that a lot of these pages are run by people who claim that fitspo helped them recover from their eating disorder. Well, I would argue that exercising so much and eating so healthily is actually putting them in danger of perhaps just developing a different type of eating disorder - orthorexia. This is an extreme fixation with avoiding foods deemed unhealthy by the person. This whole concept of fitspo just seems very dangerous to me.

Looking at some of the food diaries that people post, along with their exercise routines, quickly highlights that these people are not consuming enough energy compared with what they are exerting. This is probably why many of the pictures are not just women with lots of muscles but actually very small women. I know that you cannot tell if someone is healthy by looking at a photo but it all seems dangerously similar to thinspo.

Basically, I want this all to stop. I want people to stop telling others what they should be eating, how often they should be working out. I want all this 'motivating people to do this and that' to stop. This obsession with bodies, whether it is getting thin or getting fit, has to stop. The key similarity with thinspo and fitspo is that clearly these people are striving to make themselves look good. It is not healthy to be so fixated on what you look like, everyone needs to remember that they are more than a body, so much more. Rather than using sites like tumblr to motivate others to change their bodies, we should be using them to promote self care and body love!

Here Comes The Sun

So my first interview since finishing university was this week and I got the internship! I thought I'd post a bit about the awesome place where I'm going to be working for the next 3 months.

The Rising Sun Arts Centre in Reading is a small, independent centre based in a beautiful building in the town centre which was built in 1877. Over 20 years ago, a group of artists squatted in the building. They wanted it to be a place to be creative and express themselves. At the time, they had little restrictions on what they could do.

Now, the centre is a registered charity. Day to day, a bunch of volunteers give up their time to help run the centre and its activities. These range from music performances and dance classes to life drawing and burlesque performances. The centre focuses on its ideals of getting as many people as possible involved in creativity. The centre has changed a lot since its beginning but it still holds a similar goal of getting the community to engage in creative activities.

The people there really do love what they do, they are passionate about the centre's ideas. I love that there are people willing to give up their time for free in order to help any charity. I'm excited to get the chance to work with volunteers who really enjoy what they do and want to help the centre in any way that they can. The volunteers are from all walks of life, different ages and abilities which allows various viewpoints in helping the arts.

My role as intern will involve me helping the volunteers prepare for the centre's yearly festival. I am really excited to be getting involved with this and I'm sure the experience will be invaluable. On leaving university, I had no idea what I wanted to do so applied to various internships and luckily got one very quickly. This opportunity will let me know if this is the sort of thing I want to do and will hopefully teach me a lot.

Leaving university was terrifying. The first week was filled with worry, I had no idea of what was going to happen. The future was so uncertain. Getting this internship was a huge relief. I now know what the next 3 months will hold. After that, I have no clue but this is a start. There are so many opportunities once you come out of university and my advice is just to embrace them and do whatever you can when you have the option!

Depression - what's it really like?

There's many misconceptions about people with depression: it's just being a little bit sad, you can snap out of it, they're just lazy, just an excuse, overemotional. None of this is true. But, what is it really like to have depression? It is pretty difficult to understand unless you have been through it, I'm going to try and give you an idea though.

Some days are better than others but, the bad days are really bad. I've had a lot of bad days over the years. Lying in bed, completely unable to move or function. Curtains drawn, no energy to even make a cup of tea. Eating is too much effort and showering is completely out of question. Sometimes tears will not stop and other times crying is impossible, just numbness. Nothing. Darkness. No phone calls, I don't want to contact anyone. I'll just bring them down and that's not fair. Isolation. So back to sleep because at least then I don't have to think about anything. About the misery in the world. Maybe even about death. Because nothing is good, everything is awful. I am useless and worthless and everybody hates me. What's even the point in living? Why bother? Everything hurts. So yeah, depression really sucks. It takes a lot of energy being so damn miserable.

How exactly is this supposed to get better? It often feels like it never will. But, it really can. Life with depression is hard but there are ways to manage it. Talking really helps - to a counsellor, partner, friend, doctor. There is some relief in just getting it out, letting go of some of the horrid thoughts in your head. Medication can also ease the problem, it can be pretty difficult to find what is right for you but once you do, it can definitely make the world seem a little brighter. Remind yourself of the good things in life - sometimes depression makes it difficult to see the good in anything, you feel like there is nothing to be grateful for - even if it's something small like the taste of tea!

Depression affects a lot of people from all walks of life. It can last a couple of months as the result of job loss, bereavement etc. Or it could be something you suffer with for much longer. There are a variety of causes and many people find it hard to figure out exactly what it is.

If you know someone with depression, do not tell them to cheer up, do not tell them they have nothing to be sad about, do not think that they can snap out of it. Do be supportive and offer help when they need it, be kind and patient and understanding.

If you have depression or think you might, do not be ashamed. Speak up. Talk to your doctor. Explain it to your friends. It is not something to be ashamed of. It is a mental health problem and it requires help. Open up to people. If we all keep talking about it, the stigma attached to it will eventually start to wear away. We can fight depression one day at a time.

Why feminism?

I get asked this question all the time: why do you care about feminism so much? My usual response is 'why don't you care about it so much?' It's such an important issue and I, for one, cannot ignore it now that I am aware of it.

I first got interested in the issue of feminism at university. I became more aware of the inequality of men and women than I ever had been. Seeing the uni 'LAD' culture and how so many men really did think of women as objects really opened my eyes to the problem. I had been at an all girls' secondary school and sixth form, women were always celebrated there. But, at university, although women were allowed education, the treatment of so many in the social side was horrifying. While I have met some great men at university, there were far too many who followed this 'LAD' mentality and treated women like shit as a result.

I heard about sexual harrassment and abuse from so many people as if it were the norm. Girls expected to be groped on a night out and pestered by guys for their number. Being around all this made me realise just how bad the situation for women was and still is. Sure, society has come a long way in the past century but it's still got a long way to go.

All of this at university made me sad. Although, it also made me very angry. How dare men feel entitled to our bodies? How dare they treat another human being in these ways? This led to me researching more and more about feminism throughout my time at university. It all culminated in my dissertation being on the topic of Second Wave Feminism in Great Britain.

Still asking why?

Because I believe that women are humans. I believe that women deserve the same rights as men. I believe in equality. I want to be able to walk the streets at night without fear of being raped. I want to be able to earn the same as a man in the same job as me. I want men to see me as another person, not just as a body. I want the pressure on women to look a certain way to stop.

And for me, the way I see it, feminism is about all of this and much more. I stand by a feminism which includes anyone who identifies as a woman, from any country, from any race. A feminism which looks to equality and liberation. Women deserve the same rights as men, no exceptions. People often say that feminism is no longer needed but, this is not the case. Wikipedia defines it as:

"Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for women."

Women still do not have equal rights and that means that feminism is still needed in societies all around the world. If we have the opportunity to, why shouldn't we fight for equality in whatever way we can?

Kirstie Allsopp, what were you thinking?!

In a recent interview here, television presenter Kirstie Allsopp made comments which appear to have annoyed a lot of feminists out there. This gives you the point she was trying to make:

“I don’t have a girl, but if I did I’d be saying 'Darling, do you know what? Don’t go to university. Start work straight after school, stay at home, save up your deposit – I’ll help you, let’s get you into a flat. And then we can find you a nice boyfriend and you can have a baby by the time you’re 27...that might sound wholly unrealistic. But we have all this time at the end. You can do your career afterwards. We have to readjust. And men can have fun after they have kids. If everyone started having children when they were 20, they’d be free as a bird by the time they were 45. But how many 45-year-olds do you know who are bogged down?...I don’t want the next generation of women to go through the heartache that my generation has. At the moment we are changing the natural order of things, with grandparents being much older and everyone squeezed in the middle. Don’t think 'my youth should be longer’. Don’t go to university because it’s an 'experience’. No, it’s where you’re supposed to learn something! Do it when you’re 50!”

So basically, Allsopp thinks it's best to put off university until you've had children because of fertility and such. I couldn't disagree more, this advice is terrible! Who says we all want children? Many women wait until later because they are unsure if they want children at all and this is completely fine. Youth is about experiences and having fun, nights out and trying exciting things. I do not know many 20 somethings who want to be running around after children rather than out partying or travelling. University is an experience! It is also a place to learn something. I'm not sure why Allsopp thinks we cannot learn things from university earlier on. Why wait to learn? Why put education off for children?

I feel that Allsopp has completely missed the point here. As a feminist, I say that women should have the choice to have children whenever they want. Be that 20 or 50 if their body allows it. Women should have access to education whenever they want. Be that 20 or 50. There is no 'right' or 'best' time to start a family or go to university - the important thing is that there is the opportunity and women should be able to decide when the best time for them is and not suffer for it. Young or old mothers should not be judged for deciding to have a baby early or late. Young or old students should not be told that they chose the wrong time to study. We don't have much time here really so it is wrong to advise women on when they should start a family or university, the choice is up to the individual.

Recovery...

I have been in recovery from an eating disorder for about 3 years. I know it's fucking difficult and I am far from considering myself fully recovered but I thought I'd try and offer some advice on recovery. It might help someone or at least be interesting to read...

1. Acceptance
As cliché as it might sound, the first stage of recovery is accepting you have a problem. Having an eating disorder can be so all consuming that it becomes completely normal to you. Starving yourself or missing meals seems like something everyone does. But, remind yourself that it is not. It is not healthy. Admit that and understand you have an illness and your recovery can begin.

2. Weight restoration
This will not apply for everyone. But, for me, the first step of my recovery was getting back to a healthy weight and in the long run, that's the easy part even though it seems like hell at the time! The motivation for me was that I really did not want to end up in hospital like one of my friends. So I started eating a lot and often. I did not really want to get better for the right reasons, but it was a start. I think meal plans really help. Do not kid yourself into thinking you can gain weight on 1200 calories a day or something like that. Most people need about 3000 calories every single day to start gaining weight. See a dietician or ask for your doctors advice if you can. Every day will be a struggle. You will want to skip meals. You might want to find ways of compensating. Initially, I began to abuse laxatives, I hated feeling full. That was another thing which I then had to fight. Weight restoration is difficult but possible. Just keep reminding yourself of a healthy body that can keep you going every day - it's amazing!

3. Why recover?
This was difficult for me. I always felt like I was recovering for the wrong reasons. Many people say you can never really recover until you do it for yourself. I would've disagreed with that a while back but I now agree. I have tried recovering for family, for friends, for boyfriends. The only time anything has really stuck was when I realised I needed to recover for myself. For my health, for my life, for my happiness, for me. I find it useful to have a list of reasons to recover so that any time I feel like a relapse might happen, it's a nice reminder. It tells me what the eating disorder has taken away from me and what I can have back. The ability to eat around others, in restaurants, enjoying my favourite foods, not feeling dizzy, spending time with friends, the list goes on and on.

4. Figure out your triggers
The best way to do this, for me, was to keep a diary of my moods. Any time I would eat less or binge then I would notice how I was feeling or what I had been doing. For me, loneliness or feeling emotionally empty usually led to binge eating and anxiety usually led to starvation. By noticing these triggers, you can notice them and then start to avoid them. Find other ways to deal with the emotions - hanging out with friends or listening to music, anything that helps. Sorting this out can really help you to stop using food to deal with emotions, something which is often a big part of eating disorders. Unfortunately, not all triggers can be avoided. I find people talking about diets often leads to negative thinking and behaviour. People talk about diets a lot. For these types of triggers, it's just a matter of strong will and reminding yourself of how mush better life can be free of your ED.

5. Stop calorie counting etc.
There are little behaviours with eating disorders that become totally ingrained into your life such as weighing out food and counting calories. This is something that I am still yet to stop doing. These are behaviours which you begin to do almost automatically so stopping them is really hard! For a start, throw out any records of what you have eaten. Lots of people with eating disorders keep records of their daily food intake and keeping these is not going to help recovery. Burn them, throw them away, you do not need to know what you ate 3 weeks ago on a Monday morning. It does not matter. Now, every time you find yourself counting calories or going to the bathroom after a meal - STOP. Think. Breathe. You do not need to do this. Now do something else. Anything. Watch a film, read a book, go for a walk, call a friend. Distract yourself as much as you can. Keep reminding yourself that you are more than those behaviours and numbers.

6. Throw away the scales
Stop weighing yourself! You are more than a number. It does not tell you how valuable you are. It does not tell you anything other than how much you physically weight. It is not important. You are more than that. Write a list of all the things you like about yourself. Sounds impossible, right? Just try it. It could be about your appearance but what about your personality? Maybe something small like how you have good manners or something bigger like you are always there for your friends. Look at this list whenever you feel like you are only worth a number.

7. Accept your body
Maybe you're a little 'overweight' by those stupid BMI standards. Maybe you have fat where you do not want it and stretch marks and cellulite that you hate. THAT'S OKAY! The important thing is that you accept it. You do not have to love your body (you should though, it's amazing!) but do accept that this is it. It is the only one you've got and it keeps you going and allows you to do so many great things. Accept it as much as you can.

I am aware that recovery is different for everyone but I thought that I would share some things which help me. I haven't quite got there yet but I have hope that I will. You should all have hope because recovery is difficult but definitely possible and totally worth the struggle!

Carl Barat & The Jackals - 13/05/14

Earlier this year, Carl Barat took to social media in order to form a new band. People auditioned and he chose the final line up of The Jackals. I got the great chance to see them live a couple of weeks ago in Reading. They performed at The Bowery District, a small but great venue in the centre of Reading. I wasn't expecting amazing things because the band haven't been together for long but, as a huge Carl Barat fan, I went along out of curiosity.

I was not disappointed. They far exceeded any expectations that I had. The band were brilliant and Carl's energy on stage with them was brilliant. They played new songs and covered Carl's solo stuff/Dirty Pretty Things/The Libertines. Everyone loved the covers, they were played really well. But, I was amazed by how good the new material was. The Jackals are a fantastic bunch of musicians and I really enjoyed the whole set.

Some people have argued that Carl should not be covering old stuff still, he should be pulling away from his past projects. I agree to an extent. However, he has all this great material and the new band is very new so they would've been unable to fill a set of original songs. Fans of Carl love all his music so it's still good to hear no matter what. The audience seemed to love every second of it and so did Carl. The band had great chemistry considering the short time and how they were put together. I was very impressed!

We also got treated to some acoustic Carl at the end of the set which was lovely, as one would expect, a video here of him performing 'France' - one of my favourite Libertines songs:

If you liked Dirty Pretty Things or The Libertines or anything like that then this is definitely a music project to watch. There are some excellent original songs these guys have and if Carl doesn't get too distracted by The Libertines reunion in July then The Jackals could go great things so watch out for them!

Hey there!

I'm in a strange place in my life. I have just finished my final exams of a 3 year degree in History and Philosophy. I am now searching for jobs and internships and just trying to find my place in the world. It's difficult, it's weird to be out of academia for the first time in so many years. I feel a huge sense of achievement but also, fear. What is it even like to be a real adult in the real world? How do I do this?

On top of this, I am still in recovery from an eating disorder. That's a battle every single day! I developed an eating disorder when I was about 14. I've been in recovery for 3 years now and it hasn't got any easier. Depression and anxiety are also ongoing problems for me which I'm still trying to find ways of coping with. I am on medication but not in therapy at the moment. All of this and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life makes things very difficult!

I guess this blog will be a bunch of posts about how I'm dealing with my mental health problems, how I manage to fit into adult life and my thoughts on feminism and music. Those are two things which I'm hugely passionate about and keep me sane when my head is driving me absolutely crazy. So here it goes, my journey into adult life and recovery...