My life, my choice.

I am a woman and I do not want children.

This statement is frequently met with a gasp, a sad face or the worst – “oh don’t be silly, you’ll change your mind one day.”

How is it, that in the 21^st century, society is still set on the idea that all women must want children? I remember thinking when I was much younger, when other girls were discussing potential kids names and dreaming of weddings, that I did not want children. People told me then I would change my mind which is fine, I was only a child myself. But, I am now an adult and people continue to shame me because I do not want children. Not now, not ever. Imagine if you had a plan for your life and people constantly told you that you would change your mind or that it was ridiculous for you to have said plan.

There are so many reasons why I do not want children. However, I do not see why I should need to justify this very personal decision. I am made to feel like a bad person because of this and it is completely unfair.

Women are more than potential mothers. Having children does not determine a woman’s worth. We have come a long way in terms of women’s rights regarding sexuality and freedom. If I do not want children, society cannot force me into having them. Unfortunately, it seems that much of society will continue to shame me for this decision.

People will often say “how can you not want children?” It is pretty easy to not want them actually and this question makes it seem like an awful thing. I am not denying anyone their right to have children; I am just choosing not to have them myself. This does not impact on anyone but me and my partner. Keep your judgements to yourself or better yet, start to understand that not all women want children and that is okay. Some women long to be mothers, others dread the thought of it.

My lack of desire to bear a child does not make me a bad person. Do not react in horror at a woman expressing that they do not want to be a mother. They will have their reasons for this and your judgement is not wanted. Who are you to say that all women must want certain things for their lives?

Alternatively, it is generally better accepted for a man to say he does not want children. A perfect example of double standards and of the underlying belief instilled in people that women are meant for motherhood.

Some women want children and that is okay. Some do not and that is also okay. Either way, it is none of your business why or whether they will change their mind. Surely it is better for a woman to not have children than to have them because she is pressured into it by society’s expectations?

I am a woman and I do not want children. If you have a problem with that, I do not want to hear about it.

Plus Size - celebrated or shamed?

More and more shops are beginning to sell 'plus size' clothing. More and more 'plus size' women are being outspoken about embracing their bodies which society tells us are unhealthy and unlovable. These issues have been widely discussed in the media recently, a lot of the conclusions by people have been very negative but I think people need to have a more balanced view.

The term 'plus size' - is it offensive?

There are two sides to this. Some people think the term should be embraced and is not offensive but a way to distinguish between sizes in fashion. Others believe the term suggests that people who are considered to be in this category are not normal. The term could be taken to mean that people have a surplus of something and who should be allowed to define what normal is?

Personally, I would not have an issue with the term if there was not so much discrimination. By this, I mean that being 'plus size' is equated with being unhealthy and abnormal. It is this idea of excessiveness that society refuses to accept. The truth is that, for most people, it is not just a distinguishing of groups of sizes. It is often used as a way to shame people into losing weight.

What sizes are covered by the term 'plus size'?

This has always been an issue. While some shops consider a size 12 to be 'plus size,' it does not start until a size 18 for others. Again, this raises the issue of who is allowed to decide what should be considered outside of the norm. People come in many shapes and sizes, there is no way to really decide who should have to look for clothes in the 'plus size' section.

I have been 17lbs overweight and at that point, in some shops, I was considered to be 'plus size.' I was not obese but overweight. Where do we draw the line with this? Why does it even matter?

Being plus size means you are unhealthy

It is really damaging to continuously link weight and health together. You can be considered to be overweight and still have perfect health, you can be unhealthy at a 'normal' weight etc. Although there can be a link between weight and general health, it is not the only contributing factor and people need to acknowledge this.

Selling plus size clothing encourages obesity

There are many causes of obesity. There are vast reasons why people struggle to lose weight. It is very common for someone who is obese to fail to lose weight despite their best efforts, why should they be made to feel bad? Seeing the possibility of being able to buy clothes if you were bigger will not necessarily encourage you to eat more food and put on weight. The sale of plus size clothing just says that we know that some people are bigger than others and also need to buy clothes like the rest of society.

Some may argue that selling plus size clothing in shops will deter already obese people from losing weight. Erm, do people realise that these people have not been walking around naked until now? There will always be sale of this clothing as long as there is a demand for it. You never hear people complaining about the availability of size 4 clothing for adults and this can be equally damaging on the other end of the scale. Besides, plus size clothing is often more expensive anyway so people are having to pay for being obesity in many ways.

Being 'plus size' is not something to be ashamed of. Being 'plus size' does not mean someone is unhealthy. Everyone is different shapes and sizes and that is why the body is so amazing. As long as we need to wear clothing everyday then shops will need to cater to all body types! Do you expect obese people to stay at home until they are a size which is acceptable to society? While obesity is not something to necessarily be celebrated, it is something which needs to be accepted as a part of modern society. The world does not cater to obese people, the world shames them every single day and they have to live with that. If shops selling clothing in their size makes their lives a little easier then so be it, they already have to deal with discrimination and being shamed by society every single day.

Skinny shaming...?

I've heard a lot recently about the idea of 'skinny shaming' and I felt like I needed to comment. First of all, I do not think it is acceptable to shame anyone for their body type. I am all about body positivity. It is never okay to make someone feel bad about their body. That is why this is a difficult topic to approach.

When Nicki Minaj released 'Anaconda' and Meghan Trainor came out with 'All About That Bass,' skinny girls everywhere got angry. Lyrics that explicitly put down skinny women and celebrated bigger women annoyed people. I get that.

But, fat women do have a much harder time being accepted in society. I have been skinny and fat. When skinny, I was always told by friends that I looked good. When fat, I am told about diets and workout routines that I could try. Nobody stared at me when I was eating in public when I was skinny but they do now. With clear disgust. People are often explicitly and openly repulsed by a fat woman, it's not so common with a skinny woman.

So while women are shamed for their bodies all the time, fat or thin, we have to acknowledge that the discrimination is not on the same level. I wish I did not have to talk about this, I wish that we lived in a world where people looked beyond body shapes but unfortunately, that's not the case. Quite frankly, it annoys me to hear skinny women saying 'oh but we experience the disgust too!' Yes, sometimes you do however, your body type is in magazines and on movie screens all of the time and society as a whole accepts it as normal and okay. Whereas, fat women are mostly viewed in a negative way. While you, as a skinny woman, may have experienced individual cases of body shaming, fat women experience it on a much larger and deeper scale.

Fat women are rarely seen as beautiful by society so if some artists are going to bring out songs celebrating them then let them have it!

Ultimately, we all need to know and accept that body shaming is never okay. In order to do this we have to acknowledge that 'skinny shaming' and 'fat shaming' are very different things.

Why all the girl hate?

I hear it all the time:

All girls are so bitchy. I hate hanging out with other women. It's so much easier to get along with men. Other women never talk about sex, they're boring.

And the worst thing is. It's mostly from other women. Not only are these horribly untrue generalisations but they're damaging to feminism's quest for equality. If we keep insulting our own gender then men will keep thinking it's okay for them to do the same and it's not. These sort of statements just highlight a bunch of stereotypes which are not the case.

Women seem to feel that we are all in some competition with each other. To be the thinnest, prettiest, best at their job. There seems to be this constant desire to be better than other women. Why? Why are we all in competition with each other? It's not necessary. If we're competing with each other, it takes away from competing with men. Why can we not be on the same base as men? If we want equality then we need to start seeing everyone as people rather than focusing on competition with only our own gender. This also works the other way. Men will never think there's a chance of women being better than them.

Let's all compare women to women and not men then women can never be better than men. Or even equal to them.

On top of this, there seems to be this ongoing idea that other women will get in your way of finding your perfect man. No. Stop. The jealousy and the fear needs to stop. We need to be united as a sisterhood in order to fight for the equality we want. It does not need to be a fight among women but a fight for women.

Women have it bad all over the world. Men rule everything still despite the ongoing feminist battle. So next time you think about judging another women, think again because we get judged enough by society and a lot of men already.

Let's love each other and embrace the power that women can have if we work together!

Kirstie Allsopp, what were you thinking?!

In a recent interview here, television presenter Kirstie Allsopp made comments which appear to have annoyed a lot of feminists out there. This gives you the point she was trying to make:

“I don’t have a girl, but if I did I’d be saying 'Darling, do you know what? Don’t go to university. Start work straight after school, stay at home, save up your deposit – I’ll help you, let’s get you into a flat. And then we can find you a nice boyfriend and you can have a baby by the time you’re 27...that might sound wholly unrealistic. But we have all this time at the end. You can do your career afterwards. We have to readjust. And men can have fun after they have kids. If everyone started having children when they were 20, they’d be free as a bird by the time they were 45. But how many 45-year-olds do you know who are bogged down?...I don’t want the next generation of women to go through the heartache that my generation has. At the moment we are changing the natural order of things, with grandparents being much older and everyone squeezed in the middle. Don’t think 'my youth should be longer’. Don’t go to university because it’s an 'experience’. No, it’s where you’re supposed to learn something! Do it when you’re 50!”

So basically, Allsopp thinks it's best to put off university until you've had children because of fertility and such. I couldn't disagree more, this advice is terrible! Who says we all want children? Many women wait until later because they are unsure if they want children at all and this is completely fine. Youth is about experiences and having fun, nights out and trying exciting things. I do not know many 20 somethings who want to be running around after children rather than out partying or travelling. University is an experience! It is also a place to learn something. I'm not sure why Allsopp thinks we cannot learn things from university earlier on. Why wait to learn? Why put education off for children?

I feel that Allsopp has completely missed the point here. As a feminist, I say that women should have the choice to have children whenever they want. Be that 20 or 50 if their body allows it. Women should have access to education whenever they want. Be that 20 or 50. There is no 'right' or 'best' time to start a family or go to university - the important thing is that there is the opportunity and women should be able to decide when the best time for them is and not suffer for it. Young or old mothers should not be judged for deciding to have a baby early or late. Young or old students should not be told that they chose the wrong time to study. We don't have much time here really so it is wrong to advise women on when they should start a family or university, the choice is up to the individual.