My life, my choice.

I am a woman and I do not want children.

This statement is frequently met with a gasp, a sad face or the worst – “oh don’t be silly, you’ll change your mind one day.”

How is it, that in the 21^st century, society is still set on the idea that all women must want children? I remember thinking when I was much younger, when other girls were discussing potential kids names and dreaming of weddings, that I did not want children. People told me then I would change my mind which is fine, I was only a child myself. But, I am now an adult and people continue to shame me because I do not want children. Not now, not ever. Imagine if you had a plan for your life and people constantly told you that you would change your mind or that it was ridiculous for you to have said plan.

There are so many reasons why I do not want children. However, I do not see why I should need to justify this very personal decision. I am made to feel like a bad person because of this and it is completely unfair.

Women are more than potential mothers. Having children does not determine a woman’s worth. We have come a long way in terms of women’s rights regarding sexuality and freedom. If I do not want children, society cannot force me into having them. Unfortunately, it seems that much of society will continue to shame me for this decision.

People will often say “how can you not want children?” It is pretty easy to not want them actually and this question makes it seem like an awful thing. I am not denying anyone their right to have children; I am just choosing not to have them myself. This does not impact on anyone but me and my partner. Keep your judgements to yourself or better yet, start to understand that not all women want children and that is okay. Some women long to be mothers, others dread the thought of it.

My lack of desire to bear a child does not make me a bad person. Do not react in horror at a woman expressing that they do not want to be a mother. They will have their reasons for this and your judgement is not wanted. Who are you to say that all women must want certain things for their lives?

Alternatively, it is generally better accepted for a man to say he does not want children. A perfect example of double standards and of the underlying belief instilled in people that women are meant for motherhood.

Some women want children and that is okay. Some do not and that is also okay. Either way, it is none of your business why or whether they will change their mind. Surely it is better for a woman to not have children than to have them because she is pressured into it by society’s expectations?

I am a woman and I do not want children. If you have a problem with that, I do not want to hear about it.

This is what a feminist looks like...

You've probably seen/heard about these t-shirts that have emerged recently, modelled here by Ed Milliband and Nick Clegg:

There are so many issues that I have with these t-shirts. First and foremost, they seem to be attempting to address the myth that all feminists look like ugly, hairy witches. It appears that many people think feminists must all be ugly so cannot get boyfriends and are therefore, angry at men. Anyone with common sense can realise that this is bullshit without having to see these t-shirts. They are completely unnecessary.

Secondly, there are far more pressing issues that need to be addressed by feminism! The movement largely does not care if people think we're all hideous looking, most of us are more concerned with important issues affecting women around the world. So again these t-shirts are pointless. How about we put time into changing things for women instead of just putting t-shirts on public figures?

On top of this, it is another way to try and make feminism into something fashionable. Fuck that. Feminism is a political movement looking to secure equality for all women across all classes, races, sexualities all around the world. Magazines and designers need to stop trying to use it as something trendy. Because it is so much more than that. It should not be a fashion statement to claim to be a feminist. I have no issue with celebrities advocating feminism but if they are doing it as an attempt to fit in then they can fuck off. There are women everywhere dealing with inequality of gender and it should not be used to sell products of capitalism. Stop trying to make money from a really important movement.

The whole issue with David Cameron refusing to wear one of these t-shirts came from ELLE magazine. Don't get me wrong, it is great that a widely read magazine has a feminist issue on sale. But this is also a magazine, like most of them, that primarily tries to sell beauty products to women. The beauty and fashion industries make billions from women's low self esteem. This is obviously not okay. It is important that women's magazines address feminism however, we must remember that their primary function is to advertise an industry which is widely known for making women hate themselves and that is very anti-feminist.

It also seems to be men wearing these for the most part. I have no problem with men supporting feminism. However, it is a movement started for and by women. Feminism has achieved a lot with very little support from men. Women's rights movements do not need men to be successful but yes, the more support a movement has, the more likely it is to progress. It is important to remember that while these middle aged white men might claim to support feminism, they have no idea what it is like to be a woman. So their support is nice but it is more important that women are involved.

It gets worse.

There are now claims that these t-shirts were made in a very anti-feminist way. Claims have been made by female workers earning 62p an hour. If these claims are proved to be true then it just rounds off the whole fiasco with these t-shirts. Wearing one does not prove you are a feminist, refusing to wear one (as David Cameron did) does not show you are against equality. They are just pieces of material with slogans on them that are looking to show that anyone can be a feminist... something most people already know.

Celebrities and feminism

Recently, there has been a lot of talk about Emma Watson's UN speech as Women Goodwill Ambassador. There's been varied responses and it's got me thinking about celebrities and the issue of feminism as a whole. Celebrities such as Beyonce have been criticised for using feminism as a trend and some people believe that the likes of Emma Watson should be pushing more radical ideas.

My initial thought is that surely any exposure from celebrities for an important cause like feminism is good! Having a role model like Emma Watson not being afraid to speak out as a feminist is really great, it shows young women who may look up to her that it is okay to be against sexism and to point out problems in society. Celebrities talking about feminism means that people who may otherwise not be interested in it, will listen to it and perhaps learn something from them. It is a good thing for the cause and much better than the female celebrities who are refusing to use the dreaded 'f word.'

But, should celebrities be talking about more radical issues? It has been said that Emma Watson offered nothing new in her speech. She reiterated what many feminists have been saying for years - feminism is not about man hating, it is about equality, issues with the word 'bossy'. Shouldn't Watson be using her position to say something new? Well maybe yes but at least she's saying something!

What about this whole HeForShe campaign? In Watson's speech, she addressed the issue of men being judged by stereotypes of masculinity, not valued for their parental role and such. She points out that it is in men's interests that we gain equality too. This is an important point to make. But this campaign is described as “a solidarity movement for gender equality that brings together one half of humanity in support of the other of humanity, for the entirety of humanity.” So essentially it seeks to get men in on the women's rights movement. I have a bit of a problem with this to be honest. I'm all for men supporting feminism and gender equality. However, having this whole campaign surrounding the issue seems odd considering other more important things that need addressing.

Watson could have taken the time to talk of the severe injustices faced by women outside the western world. One reason many women refuse to identify with feminism is because they believe that we already have equality. It would have been more impressive for this UN ambassador to address these issues to get people on board with feminism. Equal pay, for example, is a really important thing but in comparison with sexual exploitation and child brides, it's just not as vital to be addressed.

I'm rambling, sorry. I think Emma Watson's speech was pretty fantastic. I think celebrities advocating feminism is really good for the cause, it promotes it and teaches young women more about it and makes them want to learn more. I just wish they'd say something different, that they would not be so afraid to speak about some bigger issues.

Miss Representation

I recently watched 'Miss Representation,' a documentary about how the media portrayal of women impacts on the limited numbers of women in positions of power. I highly recommend watching it. Although it is focused on the US, it is a reflection of the media across the globe and is informative and thought provoking.

The documentary highlights the impact of the media and capitalism on how women are viewed in the world. Media shows us that women are bodies first and that these bodies will help you achieve if and only if they meet men's ideals. Well I can tell you that is bullshit. The media constantly belittles women in power or gives them no coverage at all. We often get shown female celebrities in very little clothing but rarely get to see female CEO's or politicians without sexist comments being made about them. It needs to stop. 

'Miss Representation' touches on the lack of censorship in media. Many people, including myself, would see this as a good thing because surely less censorship = more freedom. But what about when that freedom is being used to show women as objects and is influencing how young girls view themselves. It's contributing to the rise in eating disorders and low self esteem. There needs to be limits on the media in order to protect society. The media is so powerful but with no rules, it can show whatever it wants. It has no obligation to represent groups fairly. It should have. I'm not saying censorship is the answer. I'm saying that things like airbrushing need to be stopped, media coverage needs to be just as favourable to women and people of colour as it is to white men. I don't know how this can be achieved but there are small things we can do to make a difference:

• Stop buying tabloid magazines. Those ones which have a 'circle of shame' around 'fat' parts of women's bodies. They are fuelling the way men and women view women, they make it seem like looking good should be a priority. #NotBuyingIt to call out these outlets on their sexism.
• Do not watch tv shows or movies which objectify women. Stop watching those films that refuse to show women as strong characters and make them constantly rely on men for everything. They are not accurate portrayals and they're boring, we've seen it all before. 
• If you're a writer, write strong female characters into your stories. Show your readers that women are people to. They are not just props for male characters.
• #MediaWeLike for any media outlets which are positive for and empower women.

Remember that women are powerful, we can be powerful regardless of what the media  might tell us. Women can be leaders. Women can be successful. Women can change the world. And it will not only benefit women but everyone. If women are encouraged to enter politics then government's will be more representative. If the media starts to show that women are more than their bodies, women will start to believe it too.

Women Against Feminism don't understand feminism...

I am a feminist. Why? Because I believe in the total equality of men and women regardless of class, race or location. Most people have probably seen posts from whoneedsfeminism.tumblr.com, an array of women declaring why they believe they do need feminism today.

There have been jokes made about this blog. There have been plenty of men going on about how feminism is a bunch of bullshit. That’s bad enough. But now, women are joining in. This comes in the form of womenagainstfeminism.tumblr.com –

What occurs to me most here is that most of these women do not really appear to understand feminism or the real position of women in various societies across the globe. They seem to forget that without feminism, all women would probably have to give birth and rely on their husbands, women would not have the right to vote. The reason women have so many rights today is because of the work of feminism in the past.

For a second, let’s just look at some of the points on this tumblr and address them properly.

Equal Rights exist

Really? Governments around the world are still dominated by men which means that in many countries, the majority of power lies with men. Women are blamed for their sexual assaults because of the way they dress. Women are still expected to look and act a certain way. Men still feel some entitlement to our bodies. That does not sound like equality to me.

Helpless Victim Cult

There appears to be a lot of this talk on this particular tumblr blog. I have to disagree with the idea that feminism tries to tell women they are weak and need help. As far as I can see, feminism does the opposite. It aims to make women feel strong and use their strength in a movement to change things for all women.

Rape Culture does not exist

Okay, the very fact that there are constant cases of women being blamed for their own rape because of what they are wearing shows that rape culture does indeed exist. We do live in a world that teaches women how to avoid being raped and hands out personal attack alarms rather than teaching men about consent.

I don’t believe in promoting slut/whore behavior to be healthy. 

Seriously?! Feminism does not promote “slut/whore” behaviour. It tells women that they are allowed to have consensual sex whenever they want with whoever they wish to. It is not about telling women to sleep around. It is about giving women a choice to do so if they want to, letting them know that it is okay to have sex outside of a relationship.

Feminists are jealous of other women who receive more male attention than them

I do not even feel like I need to articulate a proper response to this. It’s just another example of how ridiculous some of these anti-feminist arguments are.

So to those who believe what this blog is saying, go away and read something. All of this seems to be purely based on their experience of feminists through tumblr. You cannot base views based on one group of feminists on one website. Yes, some women who claim to be feminists on tumblr are extreme. They do want supremacy over men. But what about the rest? It’s not the case.

Most feminists I know do not hate men as a gender. They might hate particular men. Mostly, they just want to live in a world where they can walk down the street without being cat-called. They want to know that if they do get raped, justice will be served. They want to have choices. It is true that women in the western world have more rights than in other parts of the world. This does not mean we cannot try to pave the way for change in other countries. It does not mean we cannot continue to set an example for the rest of the world. Maybe if we gain full equality, other women in other countries will see that it is possible. Surely that is a cause worth fighting for. In short, just because your life and experience of men has been good does not mean everyone else’s is! So surely it's better to try and help other women who haven't been as fortunate as you...

Feminism is not about ignoring men. It is simply about helping women. Throughout history, men have had the power. They have had the control. Most feminists do not want to get rid of men or take away their rights. They just want to have those rights for all women. We do not all hate men. We hate the way that the world works, the way that men are seen as superior a lot of the time.

Instead of ploughing through tumblr for examples of feminism, open some books, read some news articles, go to some conferences. Learn about feminism in the real world. Remember what it has achieved already. Be aware of the real aims it has. Remember that some feminists are more radical than others. There are always extremists in movements. Stop basing your views on a few people behind keyboards because they do not represent the whole movement.

Dear past feminists...

There's been this whole women against feminism thing emerging online lately and it sucks. They do not seem to understand feminism. They make awful assumptions and base their views on only extreme "feminists." But worst of all, there are women who seem to forget the incredible achievements of past feminists so here is an open letter, a reminder of all that feminism has done so far.

Dear past feminists,

Thank you for giving your time and energy and power to such an important cause. Thank you for fighting for women's rights across the world.

Modern women owe you more than they might realise. Thanks to your battle, we now have a choice. Most countries supply women with contraception so that we can decide if and when to have children. There are still issues in some cultures but those of us lucky enough to have access owe you thanks. For the protests and petitions and pushing for laws to change.

Women can vote. Sure, governments can be corrupt and useless. But a hundred years ago, women did not have the ability to vote. Now, we do. I, personally, think that is amazing. Today's women must remember all you did for us to gain the vote.

Oh and we do not have to be wives and mothers now. We have options. We can go out and get jobs. We can provide for ourselves. Again, thanks to the feminists of the past from across the globe. We have access the education, to university. You'll probably be sad to hear that many women forget that this is a privilege, that 40 years ago, the world was not like this. Thanks to the battle of feminists, we can live more free lives.

Okay, so equal pay isn't quite here yet and some countries have a long way to go. Women still get blamed for their own rape, still get judged based on their appearance. There's still work to do. But, us modern feminists, are eternally grateful for the work you put in to make things better for all women. Sure the movement has some issues, just like it always has, but we will not stop talking and shouting until equality is reached.

We will not keep reminding those women who are "against" feminism that they ought to remember that without it, they would not have access to education/contraception/jobs like they do. That they need to educate themselves on issues before bitching about us. 

And yes, we're still mostly seen as man-hating, hairy lesbians but understanding is spreading and it won't stop.

Thank you.

Why all the girl hate?

I hear it all the time:

All girls are so bitchy. I hate hanging out with other women. It's so much easier to get along with men. Other women never talk about sex, they're boring.

And the worst thing is. It's mostly from other women. Not only are these horribly untrue generalisations but they're damaging to feminism's quest for equality. If we keep insulting our own gender then men will keep thinking it's okay for them to do the same and it's not. These sort of statements just highlight a bunch of stereotypes which are not the case.

Women seem to feel that we are all in some competition with each other. To be the thinnest, prettiest, best at their job. There seems to be this constant desire to be better than other women. Why? Why are we all in competition with each other? It's not necessary. If we're competing with each other, it takes away from competing with men. Why can we not be on the same base as men? If we want equality then we need to start seeing everyone as people rather than focusing on competition with only our own gender. This also works the other way. Men will never think there's a chance of women being better than them.

Let's all compare women to women and not men then women can never be better than men. Or even equal to them.

On top of this, there seems to be this ongoing idea that other women will get in your way of finding your perfect man. No. Stop. The jealousy and the fear needs to stop. We need to be united as a sisterhood in order to fight for the equality we want. It does not need to be a fight among women but a fight for women.

Women have it bad all over the world. Men rule everything still despite the ongoing feminist battle. So next time you think about judging another women, think again because we get judged enough by society and a lot of men already.

Let's love each other and embrace the power that women can have if we work together!

Why feminism?

I get asked this question all the time: why do you care about feminism so much? My usual response is 'why don't you care about it so much?' It's such an important issue and I, for one, cannot ignore it now that I am aware of it.

I first got interested in the issue of feminism at university. I became more aware of the inequality of men and women than I ever had been. Seeing the uni 'LAD' culture and how so many men really did think of women as objects really opened my eyes to the problem. I had been at an all girls' secondary school and sixth form, women were always celebrated there. But, at university, although women were allowed education, the treatment of so many in the social side was horrifying. While I have met some great men at university, there were far too many who followed this 'LAD' mentality and treated women like shit as a result.

I heard about sexual harrassment and abuse from so many people as if it were the norm. Girls expected to be groped on a night out and pestered by guys for their number. Being around all this made me realise just how bad the situation for women was and still is. Sure, society has come a long way in the past century but it's still got a long way to go.

All of this at university made me sad. Although, it also made me very angry. How dare men feel entitled to our bodies? How dare they treat another human being in these ways? This led to me researching more and more about feminism throughout my time at university. It all culminated in my dissertation being on the topic of Second Wave Feminism in Great Britain.

Still asking why?

Because I believe that women are humans. I believe that women deserve the same rights as men. I believe in equality. I want to be able to walk the streets at night without fear of being raped. I want to be able to earn the same as a man in the same job as me. I want men to see me as another person, not just as a body. I want the pressure on women to look a certain way to stop.

And for me, the way I see it, feminism is about all of this and much more. I stand by a feminism which includes anyone who identifies as a woman, from any country, from any race. A feminism which looks to equality and liberation. Women deserve the same rights as men, no exceptions. People often say that feminism is no longer needed but, this is not the case. Wikipedia defines it as:

"Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for women."

Women still do not have equal rights and that means that feminism is still needed in societies all around the world. If we have the opportunity to, why shouldn't we fight for equality in whatever way we can?

Kirstie Allsopp, what were you thinking?!

In a recent interview here, television presenter Kirstie Allsopp made comments which appear to have annoyed a lot of feminists out there. This gives you the point she was trying to make:

“I don’t have a girl, but if I did I’d be saying 'Darling, do you know what? Don’t go to university. Start work straight after school, stay at home, save up your deposit – I’ll help you, let’s get you into a flat. And then we can find you a nice boyfriend and you can have a baby by the time you’re 27...that might sound wholly unrealistic. But we have all this time at the end. You can do your career afterwards. We have to readjust. And men can have fun after they have kids. If everyone started having children when they were 20, they’d be free as a bird by the time they were 45. But how many 45-year-olds do you know who are bogged down?...I don’t want the next generation of women to go through the heartache that my generation has. At the moment we are changing the natural order of things, with grandparents being much older and everyone squeezed in the middle. Don’t think 'my youth should be longer’. Don’t go to university because it’s an 'experience’. No, it’s where you’re supposed to learn something! Do it when you’re 50!”

So basically, Allsopp thinks it's best to put off university until you've had children because of fertility and such. I couldn't disagree more, this advice is terrible! Who says we all want children? Many women wait until later because they are unsure if they want children at all and this is completely fine. Youth is about experiences and having fun, nights out and trying exciting things. I do not know many 20 somethings who want to be running around after children rather than out partying or travelling. University is an experience! It is also a place to learn something. I'm not sure why Allsopp thinks we cannot learn things from university earlier on. Why wait to learn? Why put education off for children?

I feel that Allsopp has completely missed the point here. As a feminist, I say that women should have the choice to have children whenever they want. Be that 20 or 50 if their body allows it. Women should have access to education whenever they want. Be that 20 or 50. There is no 'right' or 'best' time to start a family or go to university - the important thing is that there is the opportunity and women should be able to decide when the best time for them is and not suffer for it. Young or old mothers should not be judged for deciding to have a baby early or late. Young or old students should not be told that they chose the wrong time to study. We don't have much time here really so it is wrong to advise women on when they should start a family or university, the choice is up to the individual.

Hey there!

I'm in a strange place in my life. I have just finished my final exams of a 3 year degree in History and Philosophy. I am now searching for jobs and internships and just trying to find my place in the world. It's difficult, it's weird to be out of academia for the first time in so many years. I feel a huge sense of achievement but also, fear. What is it even like to be a real adult in the real world? How do I do this?

On top of this, I am still in recovery from an eating disorder. That's a battle every single day! I developed an eating disorder when I was about 14. I've been in recovery for 3 years now and it hasn't got any easier. Depression and anxiety are also ongoing problems for me which I'm still trying to find ways of coping with. I am on medication but not in therapy at the moment. All of this and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life makes things very difficult!

I guess this blog will be a bunch of posts about how I'm dealing with my mental health problems, how I manage to fit into adult life and my thoughts on feminism and music. Those are two things which I'm hugely passionate about and keep me sane when my head is driving me absolutely crazy. So here it goes, my journey into adult life and recovery...