Why your 'jokes' can be dangerous...

TRIGGERS FOR MENTION OF RAPE

We've probably all heard the 'jokes' about rape or the use of the word rape in a joking context. I think it's fair to say that everyone knows they can be offensive. But, they can also be pretty dangerous even though it's often passed off as 'harmless.'

Picture this. You're out with a group of friends. Laughing and chatting, having a good time.  Someone makes a joke about rape. There's some laughter and the conversation continues. Think about who might have heard this. You might now know it but one of those people could have been a victim of rape. It's not unimaginable, rape victims often won't tell anyone through shame. In the UK, 85 000 women are reported to have been rape every year. How do you think they feel about that joke? About that laughing? Probably scared and uncomfortable. It could trigger horrible memories of that incident for them.

It's not so funny now, is it?

On top of this, another listener could very well be a potential rapist. Do you know what this joke and the response to it says to them? That rape is okay. That the idea of it is something to be laughed at. They might even think that those laughing about it condone rape. Those jokes normalise a very serious issue. I know you're thinking that you do not know any potential rapists but you can never be 100% certain! Is it really worth the risk?

Telling rape 'jokes' and laughing at them makes a serious and difficult issue appear trivial and funny. That's not okay. It's the same with other 'jokes' about serious issues, they should not be trivialised in this way when they impact so negatively on so many lives.

Rape jokes are dangerous. Next time a friend makes a joke about rape, do not laugh. They are not funny. Do you really want a potential rapist thinking that rape is acceptable? Do you really want to bring up painful memories for a victim? Any decent human being would say no so be decent and tell people to stop this.

Orange Is The New Black - Season 2

*SPOILERS*

Netflix began streaming season 2 of their hit show 'Orange Is The New Black' earlier this month and I got round to marathon watching it this weekend! It was brilliant. If you haven't seen season 1 then where have you been? Watch it now! If you have seen it but need a recap before season 2 then I suggest watching this. It will remind you of key events and is pretty funny:

So OITNB is set in a women's prison in the US. The season 1 finale saw a fight break out between main character Piper Chapman and crazy God loving Doggett. Season 2 opens with an episode that sees things change dramatically for Piper as Alex is let free and she continues her sentence. So what's going to keep you interested in this season?

Well, the main story of Piper continues. It's been a bumpy road for her. I much prefer her character in this season, she's learnt a lot from fellow inmates and is much stronger. Things with Larry (her ex fiance) get much more complicated but she handles herself well.

One of the main issues in this season actually comes from the administration of the prison rather than the inmates. It seems that Figuero has been naughty in trying to support her husband's political campaign. This leads to conditions in the prisoning worsening, a hunger strike to fight back against them and a season finale that you cannot miss!

Remember creepy porn 'tache prison guard Mendes? He's back. But, only briefly as everyone finds out that Diaz is pregnant (with Bennett's baby) and Mendes is accused of being the father. He confesses her love for her in front of everyone leaving Diaz feeling very guilty... it's important to note that both Mendes and Bennett deserve to be punished. I'm sure everyone will be happy to see porn 'tache go after what he did to Trish in season 1!

Now, we all saw Red lose the respect of her friends in the first season. She's trying to get it back when along comes Vee who happens to be very close to another inmate. Vee manipulates the girls, brings drugs back into the prison and does a lot of horrible shit! You get to see her story in flashbacks and it all comes to a head in the season finale.

My favourite character this season? Rosa, a cancer patient with not much time left. She's in the background a fair bit but we get to find out about her story and she really is fantastic.

Other reasons to watch season 2 -

• We finally get to see Morello's darling Christopher
• There's a lot more about the guards in here - we get some insight into the lives of Caputo and Healy
• There is a bunch of character development
• And like season 1, it deals with transgender and sexuality issues really well.

So what are you waiting for? Go and watch it now! The show is great, the character's are great, the acting, the stories, the theme tune - this is something you will not want to miss!

Book review - The Kite Runner

Whilst at university, I never really got the opportunity to pick up a book and read for pleasure. This was my favourite thing to do before uni so now it's over, I get the chance and time to again which is great! The first book I've read is 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Hosseini. I had heard great things about it so thought I'd give it a go. It was published in 2003 to critical acclaim.

Set in the 1970s in Afghanistan, it tells the story of two young boys - Amir and Hassan. Amir's father is rich and Hassan's is his servant. Both children lost their mothers at a very young age and have been like brothers since. All of this changes on the day of the kite fighting tournament when one of the boys betrays the other. Amir included, many Afghans are forced to flee to America following the Russian invasion.

I absolutely loved this book! The story is really gripping and wonderfully written. It gives a really interesting look at the history of Afghanistan, something that I knew very little of before picking the book up. Hosseini tells tales of growing up so wonderfully.

Ultimately, this is a story about betrayal and redemption, about friends and family and loyalty. The writing is powerful and engaging, one of those fantastic books you look for that you cannot put down. I am really glad that I chose this to be my first reading for pleasure book after university, it has definitely reignited my passion for fiction.

Why all the girl hate?

I hear it all the time:

All girls are so bitchy. I hate hanging out with other women. It's so much easier to get along with men. Other women never talk about sex, they're boring.

And the worst thing is. It's mostly from other women. Not only are these horribly untrue generalisations but they're damaging to feminism's quest for equality. If we keep insulting our own gender then men will keep thinking it's okay for them to do the same and it's not. These sort of statements just highlight a bunch of stereotypes which are not the case.

Women seem to feel that we are all in some competition with each other. To be the thinnest, prettiest, best at their job. There seems to be this constant desire to be better than other women. Why? Why are we all in competition with each other? It's not necessary. If we're competing with each other, it takes away from competing with men. Why can we not be on the same base as men? If we want equality then we need to start seeing everyone as people rather than focusing on competition with only our own gender. This also works the other way. Men will never think there's a chance of women being better than them.

Let's all compare women to women and not men then women can never be better than men. Or even equal to them.

On top of this, there seems to be this ongoing idea that other women will get in your way of finding your perfect man. No. Stop. The jealousy and the fear needs to stop. We need to be united as a sisterhood in order to fight for the equality we want. It does not need to be a fight among women but a fight for women.

Women have it bad all over the world. Men rule everything still despite the ongoing feminist battle. So next time you think about judging another women, think again because we get judged enough by society and a lot of men already.

Let's love each other and embrace the power that women can have if we work together!

She's so OCD!

You often hear it said without a second thought - "oh she's so OCD about things..." What this usually means is that this person is organised or likes things clean. People seem to forget sometimes that OCD is a mental health condition that many people really suffer from.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is usually associated with actions such as turning light switches on and off x number of times or constant hand washing. These can be manifestations of it but there are others too. The obsession part of OCD usually means the sufferer experiences unwelcome thoughts that they struggle to get out of their head. For example, I used to get sudden fears that my house would be broken into or my family would all drop dead. You can probably already see how distressing this can be for someone!

The compulsions side of OCD is what many people know it for - the compulsion to have to perform certain actions in certain orders, often repeating them. One could constantly check the doors are locked through fear of a break in. Repeating these actions can make the sufferer feel more calm: 'If I do x then y will not happen and everything will be okay.'

Mind offers a useful diagram to illustrate OCD:

So if this is a horrible thing to experience then what can you do to stop it? Well as a child I was afraid of dirt, I washed my hands mutliple times a day and was the only child to wear an apron in art through fear of getting dirty! As I got older, the unwanted thoughts got more distressing and when I was 15 I finally addressed this in counselling. I went through a very brief course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and although it was brief, I took the tools from it to combat my OCD.

CBT looks at the connections between thoughts, feelings and behaviours which is very applicable to OCD treatment. The key for me was writing down all of my worries and fears. For example, if I do not check that door is locked 6 times then my family will be hurt. Seeing this written down helped me to realise that this was pretty irrational. I would then address these worries and notice that they could be avoided without following compulsive behaviours. I practiced this for a long time and it eventually began to stick. Now my head does it pretty much automatically. So if CBT is available for you then go for it! It can be really useful.

Further to this, OCD is often linked to anxiety. This means that techniques to help anxiety can also help OCD. Deep breathing and practicing relaxation techniques is important. Be open about it, OCD is out of your immediate control. It is a medical condition which you should not be ashamed of. Medication is also an option to ease some of the symptoms so talk to your doctor about it.

So yes, OCD is a real medical condition that is really awful to deal with. Next time one of your friends is cleaning lots or being super organised, think twice about referring to them as OCD. It is not useful for people who are really dealing with it. This might make people see OCD as trivial and not serious which of course it is. It is not a term to be thrown around without thinking about it. Rather, it is an illness which can have a serious impact on people's lives.