How to get through studying with a mental illness

When at college or university, a lot of people can get stressed and overwhelmed with work. If someone has a mental illness to contend with as well then studying can be even more difficult.

Imagine having depression and exams coming up. All you want to do is lay in bed and cry and avoid the world. However, you know you should be studying for upcoming exams. This leaves you feeling guilty for not doing enough. You might beat yourself up about it. This can lead to your depression worsening. It becomes a vicious cycle of being unmotivated and self hatred. You may even reach the point where you do not see the point in studying because failing seems inevitable.

I was in a similar position several times throughout studying for my A Levels and my degree. But, I got through both and I thought I’d share some things which helped me manage my mental health and work.

Take each day as it comes
It is often suggested that a revision timetable is a good idea and it can be useful for some people. However, if you have a mental illness, timetabling can be detrimental. If you are having a particularly bad day and cannot follow what you have set for yourself, this can lead to feelings of failure and disappointment. At the beginning of my revision period, I would write a list of everything I had to cover. Then, each day when I woke up I would decide what topics to cover on that day. That way, if I was having a bad day, I did not feel obligated to cover really difficult topics or lots of things. I did not push myself to do mountains of work when I was not mentally well enough to do so. This meant that I avoided the feelings of “I haven’t done everything I was supposed to so I am an awful person.”

Leave plenty of time

Your mentally well friends might start revising a month or two weeks before they sit an exam. If you are mentally unwell, I really recommend ignoring what everyone else is doing and giving yourself more time. Start 2 months before the exams. This means that you can afford to take time off and you do not have to cram which can increase negative symptoms. This applies to all pieces of work. If you have 5 weeks to do something, start now. It will mean you can do small amounts each day until it is done. It will mean that when you are in bed wanting to die, you will not have to force yourself to get to the library and finish an essay. It makes everything seem less intense and is what got me through my final year of university without getting too overwhelmed.

Your mental health comes first

I completely understand that it is hard to take care of yourself when you are trying to get good grades. However, you will be more likely to achieve if you are in a mentally healthy place. Do not, under any circumstances, ignore negative symptoms just because you do not have time to deal with them due to studying. They will build up and things will get to the point where they cannot be ignored.

Personally, I had to be really careful with eating during exam periods. I would start using the excuse of not having time to eat because I was so busy. This is not an excuse. If you are too busy to take care of yourself then you have taken too much on and need to adjust things.

If you see a counsellor, do not stop going because you want to use the time to revise. Those counselling sessions or whatever it is that you do to help yourself could be what gets you through. I would also recommend not coming off of any medication or going onto new medication during an exam/deadline period. Side effects could render you unable to do anything. So aim to take your medication every day and be aware of any potential side effects of new medication you are prescribed. When my doctor wanted to change my medication during exams, I explained that I did not wish to take the risk of side effects right now and they understood. I did not want to have a sudden bout of vomiting during an exam!

It may even be necessary to take time out if you get so unwell that you cannot continue. This is perfectly okay. In this time out, you will have a chance to put all your energy into learning how to cope with your illness and can always go back to studying at a later time when you feel better.

Take time off

It is really difficult to get the work/life balance that everyone goes on about. But it is also vital to try. If you go through two months of studying constantly and isolating yourself… well, clearly that is unhealthy. If you wake up one day and feel like you cannot handle anything then that is okay. Stay in bed and cry if that is what you can do. Forcing yourself to work when you are in a bad frame of mind will end up being counter productive.

Focus on you

I know that when I was at university, everyone was constantly asking each other how much work they had done/were planning on doing. You will always have those people who claim to do very little and those who never stop working. That is okay for them if that is what they want to do. Try not to compare yourself to others; it will only make you feel bad about yourself which is never good for mental illnesses. Besides, just because someone is in the library for 12 hours a day does not mean that they are actually working that whole time!

Talk to your tutors

If you have a mental illness then it is okay to tell members of staff. It is likely that you will be able to fill out an extenuating circumstances form. This is then considered when your results come in. If you have consistently got a certain grade and miss out by a few marks in the exam, they might take your health into account. Even when I did not feel like my mental health was impacting my work, I would still hand one of these in. That meant that I had room for error, if I had a breakdown in the middle of deadline week or exam period then knowing about this form made me feel safer. Just make sure you hand the relevant paperwork in on time!

Look after your physical health

There is a big link between mental and physical health. Even something like lack of sleep can make your mood a lot lower. So eat well, exercise (I just went for walks, the gym is awful) and get enough sleep. This is obviously easier said than done when you are in a bad state but it is something to keep in mind.

So there you have it, this is pretty much what I did to get through my degree whilst unwell! Lots of time, planning, relaxing and talking about things really makes a huge difference. Do not let anyone make you think that you cannot achieve something because of your mental illness.

Life as a graduate...

So you've graduated from university. You have spent the past 3/4 years working hard in libraries and partying like crazy. You have read more books and written more essays than you ever thought possible. It's been great. But what next?

If you're lucky enough to know exactly what you want to do with your life then you'll probably have a masters lined up to do or something like that. Maybe you don't know what to do so you do a PGCE, go into teaching because it's safe and stable.

However, if you're like me and a hell of a lot of other graduates then your path won't be so clear. You probably have a degree that doesn't lend itself directly to much but gave you lots of "transferable skills." When you're in school, you get the impression that people graduate and get high paid jobs and all is wonderful. Well, it's not quite that easy. Really we should've been warned about all this!

Getting a job is really difficult. It doesn't matter if you have a degree, every job has multiple applicants and many will have more experience than you. Yes, a degree sets you apart but it does not guarantee employment. Once you graduate, you will spend many weeks/months applying for jobs, perfecting interview techniques and doing things to build your CV.

You might start ambitious, applying for jobs you really want. But then after a few months it becomes more difficult and there you are, a university graduate, working in a bar or as a shop assistant. It pays the bills but you could have got this job with no degree. Wasn't it all a waste of time?

No, of course not. For many people, university is the best time of their lives. You meet people, you learn so much about the world and yourself. It might cost a tonne of money but it is an incredible experience. I hear you though, you wanted a high paid exciting job out of this as well.

My advice? Don't give up. Even if your first job as a graduate is not ideal, you have still worked hard for your degree. Keep looking and applying for your preferred job, something will come along. Working in that bar might lead to something better. Be patient. Be realistic. Do things in your spare time to build your skills that might help in the next interview, do volunteering. The thing with getting a job that you hate is that at least it tells you what you don't want to do, even if you're still uncertain about what you want.

Being a graduate is valuable for the experiences it provides that you cannot get elsewhere but just be aware that job hunting can be hell. It can make you want to give up and cry and curse the years of university you wasted when you could've been getting experience. You will get there though, it might be a long and painful process but unfortunately, we need to work to get by in this society so don't give up.

Graduation - reflections on uni life...

So yesterday, I graduated from the University of Reading with a 2:1 in History & Philosophy. Despite having to deal with depression, eating disorder recovery, anxiety and various family problems, I am officially a graduate. I'm very proud of myself! University was a bit of a crazy experience for me...

First year - I drank far too much but did some work! Living in halls is an experience I would never trade, it was amazing. But also, awful. Lots of rumours were spread about me, something I had never experienced before. I thought adults were above that. It taught me that no matter how old you are, there will always be bullies. There will always be people who act like children. That's okay though. I learnt about the value of hard work. I met lots of people, some of which I remained friends with, some of which I never spoke to again. Your first year is for experiences and learning and growing, use it.

Second year - I finally had a solid group of incredible friends around me, something I had never had before. We probably went out too much and drank too much but I felt like I was happy! I definitely had a lot of fun and also worked really hard. My attendance in lectures was much better than first year. Towards the end of the year, things went a bit wrong. I was very close to being sectioned and found it very difficult when nobody seemed to be around to support me when I needed them the most. I learnt that drinking to cover up problems was dangerous. Hard work really does pay off! It all taught me that people do find it really fucking difficult to be friends with someone who is emotionally unstable so those who stick around are special.

Third year - drinking less, working more. That's the way my final year went. Eating disorder recovery became more of a struggle but I dealt with it. Being in a happy relationship really helped with everything. I struggled with friendships but eventually got it all sorted. I missed one lecture all year due to illness. I still had lots of fun with friends without drowning my sorrows. IT ALL PAID OFF!

University was the best and worst 3 years of my life. I would not change any of it for the world because it taught me so much and gave me so much more confidence in myself. But mostly, I met some amazing people that I hope will be friends for a long time. Importantly, I did not let my mental health problems stop me from achieving something huge! Now it's time for being an adult...

Starting university soon? Here's some advice!

Thousands of new, bright eyed students will be joining universities across the country this Autumn. As a graduate, I thought I would offer some advice!

1. Join societies!

All universities have lots of great societies and it's a really good idea to join some in your first year. There is something for everyone: Quidditch, all types of dance, feminist groups, religious societies, cheerleading, music, creative writing, real ale. Plus, if there's a society missing then it's usually pretty straight forward to set one up. It usually requires around 50 signatures of interested people and then you've got a society of your choice. Some societies have sign up fees but it's well worth it. Societies are a great way to meet new people and make friends even if you only go to a few meetings and socials.

2. Make friends on your course.

It's usually fairly easy to make friends with people in halls but chances are that you'll be in shared houses in 2nd/3rd year. This means any friends in halls usually drift apart. So making friends on your course is really important. You've already got your subject in common and that's a great start for conversation. Introduce yourself to people in lectures, don't sit on your own and shy away. You'll see these people around for the next 3 or 4 years so be sociable!

3. Work hard.

Of course the social side of university is great fun and really good but you are there to learn so work hard. Most universities have it so that your grades in first year do not count towards your final result. However, it is important to get into the library and open some books. It will give you a head start for following years, if you have a good work ethic then it will be easier to transition into your 2nd year which is often more difficult. Get the balance right - go out but also go to lectures and enjoy all the great resources at your disposal.

4. Use the services.

If you have mental health difficulties, visit the university counselling service who will be willing to help. Even if your issues seem small compared to others, the counselling service will have helped people with all sorts of problems so don't be afraid. Get to know your personal tutor, go to meetings with them and ask for help if you need it. They will most likely be writing your reference when you leave so it's important to establish a good relationship with them. Financial troubles are common but there will be people to help so seek them out to ease your worries.

5. Don't drink? Don't worry!

A lot of people think that all students are heavy drinkers and out every night. While this is true of some, it's not the case with all. There will be plenty of things you can take part in without having alcohol involved. Write for the university newspaper, hang out at coffee places, there's plenty to do without alcohol and plenty of people to join you.

6. Have fun.

This is a time in your life when opportunities are endless. Take placements, volunteer, make friends, read all the books you can, work hard. Most importantly, have fun and enjoy this time. It will be your last chance to enjoy life before jobs and taxes and boring adult things take over.

I had a lot of tough times at university. My mental health was all over the place and there are definitely things I would have done differently. But it was also an amazing 3 years and I hope that everyone enjoys university as much as they can.

Here Comes The Sun

So my first interview since finishing university was this week and I got the internship! I thought I'd post a bit about the awesome place where I'm going to be working for the next 3 months.

The Rising Sun Arts Centre in Reading is a small, independent centre based in a beautiful building in the town centre which was built in 1877. Over 20 years ago, a group of artists squatted in the building. They wanted it to be a place to be creative and express themselves. At the time, they had little restrictions on what they could do.

Now, the centre is a registered charity. Day to day, a bunch of volunteers give up their time to help run the centre and its activities. These range from music performances and dance classes to life drawing and burlesque performances. The centre focuses on its ideals of getting as many people as possible involved in creativity. The centre has changed a lot since its beginning but it still holds a similar goal of getting the community to engage in creative activities.

The people there really do love what they do, they are passionate about the centre's ideas. I love that there are people willing to give up their time for free in order to help any charity. I'm excited to get the chance to work with volunteers who really enjoy what they do and want to help the centre in any way that they can. The volunteers are from all walks of life, different ages and abilities which allows various viewpoints in helping the arts.

My role as intern will involve me helping the volunteers prepare for the centre's yearly festival. I am really excited to be getting involved with this and I'm sure the experience will be invaluable. On leaving university, I had no idea what I wanted to do so applied to various internships and luckily got one very quickly. This opportunity will let me know if this is the sort of thing I want to do and will hopefully teach me a lot.

Leaving university was terrifying. The first week was filled with worry, I had no idea of what was going to happen. The future was so uncertain. Getting this internship was a huge relief. I now know what the next 3 months will hold. After that, I have no clue but this is a start. There are so many opportunities once you come out of university and my advice is just to embrace them and do whatever you can when you have the option!

Why feminism?

I get asked this question all the time: why do you care about feminism so much? My usual response is 'why don't you care about it so much?' It's such an important issue and I, for one, cannot ignore it now that I am aware of it.

I first got interested in the issue of feminism at university. I became more aware of the inequality of men and women than I ever had been. Seeing the uni 'LAD' culture and how so many men really did think of women as objects really opened my eyes to the problem. I had been at an all girls' secondary school and sixth form, women were always celebrated there. But, at university, although women were allowed education, the treatment of so many in the social side was horrifying. While I have met some great men at university, there were far too many who followed this 'LAD' mentality and treated women like shit as a result.

I heard about sexual harrassment and abuse from so many people as if it were the norm. Girls expected to be groped on a night out and pestered by guys for their number. Being around all this made me realise just how bad the situation for women was and still is. Sure, society has come a long way in the past century but it's still got a long way to go.

All of this at university made me sad. Although, it also made me very angry. How dare men feel entitled to our bodies? How dare they treat another human being in these ways? This led to me researching more and more about feminism throughout my time at university. It all culminated in my dissertation being on the topic of Second Wave Feminism in Great Britain.

Still asking why?

Because I believe that women are humans. I believe that women deserve the same rights as men. I believe in equality. I want to be able to walk the streets at night without fear of being raped. I want to be able to earn the same as a man in the same job as me. I want men to see me as another person, not just as a body. I want the pressure on women to look a certain way to stop.

And for me, the way I see it, feminism is about all of this and much more. I stand by a feminism which includes anyone who identifies as a woman, from any country, from any race. A feminism which looks to equality and liberation. Women deserve the same rights as men, no exceptions. People often say that feminism is no longer needed but, this is not the case. Wikipedia defines it as:

"Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for women."

Women still do not have equal rights and that means that feminism is still needed in societies all around the world. If we have the opportunity to, why shouldn't we fight for equality in whatever way we can?

Hey there!

I'm in a strange place in my life. I have just finished my final exams of a 3 year degree in History and Philosophy. I am now searching for jobs and internships and just trying to find my place in the world. It's difficult, it's weird to be out of academia for the first time in so many years. I feel a huge sense of achievement but also, fear. What is it even like to be a real adult in the real world? How do I do this?

On top of this, I am still in recovery from an eating disorder. That's a battle every single day! I developed an eating disorder when I was about 14. I've been in recovery for 3 years now and it hasn't got any easier. Depression and anxiety are also ongoing problems for me which I'm still trying to find ways of coping with. I am on medication but not in therapy at the moment. All of this and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life makes things very difficult!

I guess this blog will be a bunch of posts about how I'm dealing with my mental health problems, how I manage to fit into adult life and my thoughts on feminism and music. Those are two things which I'm hugely passionate about and keep me sane when my head is driving me absolutely crazy. So here it goes, my journey into adult life and recovery...